...

Spent last three days reading happy/crazy slash (yeah, I'm kinda addicted and absolutely not ashamed, a gal can have a little fun, too).
Laughed myself to death, probably definetly convinced neigbours that I'm a total loon (couldn't keep it quiet and I'm not sorry) and few hours ago finally ended up crying .
For no particular reason.
Or maybe becouse of the "happy end"?
Or because Christmas are coming (again) and this inevitable MOOD, which just choke me (again) and don't I know it?
Or maybe because I'm "happily" sealing myself up in a cement bunker of my head - again, and it's getting easier?
Truth is - I'm scared shitless.
And don't know what to do.
Apart from going to shrink, which is still not an option for many reasons.
I'm ready to surrender.
Now how fucking pathetic that sounds?
And did I mention smoking 30-something cigarettes?
Gonna try get some sleep anyway. Maybe I woke up in some nice AU, where I still have at least ONE brain cell that functions properly.
And could someone, please, hug me?